On February 28, 2004, at 1:30 P.M. EST (6:30 P.M. GMT), the XYZZY Awards Ceremony was held at ifMUD. Below is the transcript of the event, including side-comments that those in attendance made on the #peanut-gallery channel. Should you not wish to see those comments, an expurgated version is also available.
lpsmith exclaims, "Well, next up, Best NPC's!"
alkahest joins FreakBoy
[peanut-gallery] yhlee says, "One bot to rule them all..."
alkahest exclaims, "Tri!"
alkahest exclaims, "Age!"
lpsmith exclaims, "And here to present, someone who claims he was indeed an NPC, inky!"
[peanut-gallery] mcp says, "oh, man. the crossover possibilities"
Matthew exclaims, "Yay inky again!"
[peanut-gallery] Jacqueline says, "Oh yoon, you did not just say that."
[peanut-gallery] Jacqueline says, "heh"
Sargent says, ">INKY, WALK UP ON STAGE"
inky climbs back up on stage.
Sargent says, ">INKY, ADDRESS AUDIENCE"
[peanut-gallery] yhlee blinks innocently.
[peanut-gallery] zarf asks, "Are you *allowed* to quote both Tolkien and Mercedes Lackey in the same ceremony?"
[peanut-gallery] Jacqueline laughs.
[peanut-gallery] JessK says, "Hurray for NPCs!"
Skip arrives from the west.
josh_g says, "hooray"
[peanut-gallery] yhlee says, "I should probably be unmade and cast into the void somewhere...later, later."
inky says, "anyway, I guess I should present my NPC credentials before we go any further -- someone ask me a question only an NPC would know"
[peanut-gallery] Sargent asks (of zarf), "wouldn't that be 'one magical pony to rule them all'?"
[peanut-gallery] Jota asks (of yhlee), "No, no, it's *smile mysteriously*, remember?"
DavidW claps for the inkyster.
[peanut-gallery] Ghogg says, "you're toying with the fabric of the cosmos, at least"
J_J_Guest cracks open a beer
Sargent asks, ">INKY, HOW MANY AIRPORTS ARE THERE IN IRAN?"
[peanut-gallery] zarf says (to sarge), "Yay!"
Justin goes home.
</Justin> Justin has disconnected from ifMUD.
inky says (to Sargent), ""I don't know much about that.""
[peanut-gallery] yhlee says, "Oh, right. Right."
Rob says, "ask inky about inky"
[peanut-gallery] yhlee smiles mysteriously.
(From DorianX) inky says "Audience. Auditorium. Ifmud USA
[peanut-gallery] (from mcp) Gollum says, "My preciousssss. I must have my precioussssssss." ELIZA asks, "What makes you say your preciousssss. You must have your precioussssssss?"
kyria79 says, ">ASK INKY ABOUT NPCS"
Paul says, "TALK TO INKY"
Jearl laughs and laughs
peccable says, "Friends. Romans. Countrymen."
Guest7 asks, "Where is the Union building?"
Rob asks, "who is juan goat?"
maga says, ">INKY, CARESS LEG"
peccable says, "That *is* the question."
inky asks (of Rob), "Does that question interest you?"
FreakBoy says, ">SMILE AT INKY"
Rob says, "aiee"
Matthew says (to maga), "Take it to the TMI awards."
Gunther says, ">ASK INKY ABOUT HER BREASTS"
DavidW asks, "Where does the PC actually put all of his inventory, anyway?"
Jaybird asks (of inky), "How many dentists does it take to change a lightbulb?"
Kwi says, "HAHAHA!"
Matthew says (to Gunther), "Hee hee."
inky says, "(this version of inky does not support >TALK TO -- use >ASK instead)"
peccable says (to davidW), "You don't want to know..."
Paul says (to Gunther), "hee"
NamelessAdventurer has arrived.
Guest4 exclaims (at Gunther), "Hahahahaha!"
NamelessAdventurer staggers on from backstage.
Spinster says, "In his loincloth. duh."
alkahest says, "lol"
NamelessAdventurer says, "Man, I am totally filing a union grievance against that Spodgeville guy"
yhlee says, "Oh dear."
DavidW says, "yeah, I know about the crowbar."
Paul says, "ASK INKY ABOUT AWARD"
[peanut-gallery] zarf RTA 'unicorn grievance'
kyria79 says (to spinster), "his loin-cheese cloth"
NamelessAdventurer says (to inky), "anyway, c'mon, it's my turn now"
inky says (to Nameless), "ok, ok, fine"
Matthew >INKY, PRESENT AWARD ALREADy
inky sits down.
NamelessAdventurer says, "that"
NamelessAdventurer exclaims, "is better!"
inky says (to Nameless), "(you still can't type)"
Iain says, ">ASK INKY ABOUT "HELLO&&*& l337 buffer overflow exploit!^^! give inky_clothes transparent""
NamelessAdventurer exclaims (at inky), "hey, you didn't give me the envelope!"
inky says, "oh yeah"
Gunther says, ">ASK NAMELESSADVENTURER ABOUT HER BREASTS THEN"
peccable exclaims, "Yay! Inform jokes!"
[peanut-gallery] Rob says (to iain), "ha ha ha aiee"
inky folds it into a paper airplane and wings it on over.
[peanut-gallery] Sargent says (to inky), "that's because Nameless, like Alex, is written in Perl"
maga says, ">ASK INKY ABOUT SCARF"
[peanut-gallery] Matthew says (to Gunther), "That joke just never gets old for some reason."
NamelessAdventurer says, ">CATCH ENVELOPE"
NamelessAdventurer says, "now, let's see"
NamelessAdventurer says, "The nominees for Best NPCs are ..."
NamelessAdventurer says, "City of Secrets, by Emily Short"
[peanut-gallery] Paul asks, "Didn't he just prove he's not an NPC by typing a command?"
alkahest says, "claps"
Gunther says, "arr"
[peanut-gallery] DavidW asks, "Which award are we on now?"
[peanut-gallery] Artis asks Gunther about his breasts.
[peanut-gallery] Gunther says, "INDEED"
Matthew applauds wildly.
Storme says, "yay!!"
two-star exclaims, "Yay, CoS!"
josh_g says, "hooray"
Sargent says, "yay"
NamelessAdventurer says, "Narcolepsy, by Adam Cadre"
Jacqueline says, "Go Emily!"
Sargent says, "zzz!"
brut exclaims, "yay! yayayaaaaay!"
[peanut-gallery] Kwi says, "Heehee."
zebulon cheers wi.ldly
Paolo says, "go juan goat"
NamelessAdventurer says, "Risorgimento Represso, by Michael J. Coyne"
Gunther says, "yay"
Sargent says, "woo!"
JessK says, "yay rr"
Chrysoula says, "Yay taco girl!"
Gunther says, "and yay again"
Paolo says, "yay"
Chrysoula says, "Yay wizards!"
zebulon exclaims, "cheers even more wildly"
NamelessAdventurer says, "Shadows on the Mirror, by Chrysoula Tzavelas"
maga says, "woo"
Jearl says, "Juan Goat!"
Sargent says, "woo!"
[peanut-gallery] Skip watches amusedly.
Bishop exclaims, "Yay Galen (again)!"
Gunther says, "and more yay"
J_J_Guest exclaims, "yay!"
JessK says, "yay mirror!"
Jacqueline says, "Hooray."
zebulon cheers the mirror
[peanut-gallery] DorianX asks, "I haven't really been paying attention,. Have we made a clever time-delay joke yet?"
lpsmith exclaims, "W00t!"
alkahest cheers and says 'hurrah' for galen!
<Guest2> I'm not here to be entertained! Stop amusing me!
maga exclaims, "yay best NPCs for game with only one NPC!"
[peanut-gallery] Gunther says, "yes"
[peanut-gallery] Ced says, "no, but we will"
NamelessAdventurer asks, "I might have to take that one up with the union too -- can they really qualify for Best NPCs if they only hired one NPC?"
[peanut-gallery] josh_g says, "ok, I can't actually stay for this, lousy work"
brut goes home.
</brut> brut has disconnected from ifMUD.
NamelessAdventurer says, "and Slouching Towards Bedlam, by Daniel Ravipinto and Star Foster"
Sargent says, "woo!"
eileen applauds all of the nominees
<brut> brut has connected to ifMUD.
Gunther says, "yay"
[peanut-gallery] josh_g says, "but I will cheer wildly one last time just to make up for it"
JessK says, "yay slouch!"
zebulon cheers even wildlier
Guest2 arrives from the west.
Guest4 says, "Woohoo"
Matthew applauds loudly.
brut arrives from the west.
FreakBoy starts drumroll.
josh_g cheers like a maniac!
josh_g has his little malformed hands on the Orb of Earth which we need.
</josh_g> Oh, what tangled webs we weave when first we play the quiet game!
Photon applauds all nominees.
NamelessAdventurer says, ">OPEN ENVELOPE. REMOVE PAPER. X IT"
atholbrose applauds and cheers for all the nominees!
[peanut-gallery] zarf says, "well, Earth ripped off part of Sky's --"
NamelessAdventurer says, ">ASSUME DRAMATIC EXPRESSION"
alkahest cheers and cheers and cheers ...
[peanut-gallery] Rob says, "eee"
<ejl> ejl has connected to ifMUD.
Sargent says (to Nameless), "You forgot to do >SCRIPT OFF earlier!"
[peanut-gallery] Gunther says, "stocking"
[peanut-gallery] Storme says, "aie"
[peanut-gallery] Iain says, "I thought those uniforms were untearable."
[peanut-gallery] Paul says, "Not till halftime."
Bishop drums his fingers on the edge of his throne in excitement.
[peanut-gallery] yhlee says, "I will try not to visualize that."
[peanut-gallery] kyria79 says (to lain), "no, they were intolerable"
NamelessAdventurer exclaims (at Sargent), "but then I couldn't see the teleprompter!"
[peanut-gallery] maga says, "SMASH CLOTHING"
[peanut-gallery] Jacqueline thinks seriously about leaving the channel.
Sarcasmo tents her fingers thoughtfully
ejl arrives from the west.
[peanut-gallery] Dino exclaims, "Not another wardrobe malfunction!"
NamelessAdventurer says, "and the winner is ... City of Secrets, by Emily Short"
[peanut-gallery] Gunther says, "Sky is played by Zhang Ziyi!"
Rob says, "yay!!!"
Storme says, "YAY EMILY"
maga says, "YAY"
lpsmith exclaims, "Yaaaaay!"
Sargent says, "yay!"
Gunther says, "YAY !"
Matthew cheers and applauds!
eileen applauds wildly
zarf says, "Yay!"
Chrysoula says, "Yay City of Secrets!"
Guest4 exclaims, "Hooray!"
Jacqueline claps wildly!
Ghogg exclaims, "woo woo woo!"
peccable says, ""yay!""
yhlee exclaims, "Yay Emily!"
JessK claps for Empress Emily
Addreamy cheers loudly
Paolo exclaims, "Yay Emily!"
kyria79 exclaims, "go emily!"
Bishop exclaims, "Woo!"
maga says, "WHOOP WHOOP"
Jearl says, "yay!"
Paul exclaims, "HOORAY! HOORAY! HIP HIP HOORAY!"
alkahest exclaims, "yaaaaaaaaaaaaay! yay emily! yay CoS!!!!"
ejl says, "hooray"
Jacqueline says, "Congratulations, Emily!"
Grocible says, "yay Emily!"
two-star exclaims, "Woot!"
Storme says, "coding 5000 NPCs *does* pay off!"
[peanut-gallery] zarf says, "I *so* need to play *any* IF from the past two years"
atholbrose exclaims, "hooray!"
(From Dino) The crowd goes wild!
Gunther says, ">ASK HATMAKER FOR HAT"
Sargent says (to Storme), "at fourteen cents an hour!"
zebulon cheers wildly, causing a minor earttwuake in Timbuktu
Paolo exclaims, "yay mysterious dark ladies!"
Storme says (to Sargent), "heehee"
Kwi says, "WOOO!!!"
Matthew exclaims (at Sargent), "Hee hee hee!"
Rob claps and claps
[peanut-gallery] yhlee says, "You're not alone...I'm incredibly behind. Silly pregnancy/2-month-old."
Iain says (to Emily), "Woohoo!"
maga exclaims, "sweatshop labour pays off again!"
Storme says, "yaaaaaay emily!"
alkahest exclaims, "yay coding many many npcs for our enjoyment!"
[peanut-gallery] Jota asks, "Are there still people playing IF, or is it all just writers nowadays?"
atholbrose exclaims (at maga), "or not!"
[peanut-gallery] Chrysoula says, "Yay playing current IF!"
[peanut-gallery] Iain says (to yhlee), "Yeah, drat on those minor footling distractions."
[peanut-gallery] Skip says, "I play IF, occasionally."
[peanut-gallery] Dino says (to z), "I was thinking something similar. Also, what the hell have I been doing at work if not playing IF. Certainly not working."
[peanut-gallery] Gunther says, "someone must have voted"
lpsmith steps up on the stage again.
[peanut-gallery] Ghogg asks (of Jota), "I procrastinate, does that count?"
[peanut-gallery] yhlee says, "I would play if I had the mental capacity these days..."
[peanut-gallery] Matthew says (to Dino), "Hee hee."
lpsmith says, "Emily is here, but she's slipped into a mild catatonic state."
[peanut-gallery] kyria79 says (to yhlee), "I'm in the same boat"
NamelessAdventurer has disconnected.
NamelessAdventurer goes home.
[peanut-gallery] Gunther says, "also, I did play CoS, so there"
[peanut-gallery] mcp needs to set aside big blocks of time to give good games the attention they require
Sargent says, "not... a *brie coma*"
lpsmith says, "If we can all act like NPCs for a moment, maybe we can wake her."
(From Sargent) Orchestra sting.
[peanut-gallery] brut says (to dino), "be afraid of Pizduli from chief"
maga says (to Emily), "WAKE UP WHEN WE ARE PRESENTING AWARDS TO YOU"
Grocible says, "Em's lifetime achievement award"
Paul says, "Mmmmm... brie coma"
DavidW says, "oh dear"
Photon scratches his head.
alkahest says, "hrrrm ..."
Guest4 says (to lpsmith), "I don't know much about that."
Paul says (to Emily), "TOPIC ACCEPTANCE SPEECH"
peccable asks, "Is she here?"
[peanut-gallery] JessK says, "Jen, you have a 2-month old?!?!"
alkahest asks, "where is our emily?"
Storme walks past emily, brushing her hand against Emily's wrist
Matthew says, "I DON'T KNOW HOW TO ACT WHEN YOU PHRASE IT THAT WAY.."
[peanut-gallery] Dino says (to brut), "If by 'chief' you mean my boss, he couldn't find his ass with both hands and his entire staff helping."
Gunther says, ">FIRE ROCKET AT EMILY"
Random-Q-Hacker fears Emily is trapped in the Dark. needs to come to her senses and solve this puzzle
[peanut-gallery] kyria79 exclaims (at jessk), "the hell?!"
Chrysoula slouches against wall near Emily.
lpsmith says, "Until then..."
FreakBoy administers smelling salts to Emily.
alkahest taps em on the shoulder
[peanut-gallery] JessK says (to kyria), "Oh.. never mind."
lpsmith puts the award into a glass furnace, sets the dial to 'cheese', pushes the button.
Iain says, "Well if Emily's in a coma I'm taking these rocket pants."
Paolo says, "she's trying to solve her own sandwich puzzle"
Psmith says, "She's probably just waiting to collect all her awards at once and get away with only making one speech."
lpsmith pulls out the award, and sets it on Emily's lap.
Storme asks (of Iain), "you're going to depantsify emily in public?"
Gunther says (to storme), "it's called halftime show"
Sargent says, "he'll replace them with a kilt"
J_J_Guest thinks "Mmmm. sandwich."
Dino says (to Storme), "Considering it a form of hazing."
Jaybird exclaims, "Halftime!"