On March 9th, 2008, at 4:00 P.M. EDT, the XYZZY Awards Ceremony was held at ifMUD. Below is the transcript of the event, not including side-comments that those in attendance made on the #peanut-gallery channel. Should you wish to see those comments, a version with those comments is also available.
lpsmith exclaims, "On to the second half of the ceremony! Next up: Best Puzzles, presented by Andrew Plotkin, aka zarf!"
Gunther says, "yay halftime show"
Merk exclaims (at jscott), "Yeah, thanks for letting us have a look!"
zarf steps up on stage.
Eric claps appropriately.
Merk says, "Yay for awards."
zarf says, "Hi all. I'm Andrew Plotkin, also known as Zarf."
duesen is speechless
zarf says, "A few of the old-timers here will remember me."
Jacqueline laughs and applauds.
duesen points at zarf, "Who's that?"
zarf says, "You may be wondering what I've been doing in the past, oh, however long it's been."
Taleslinger says (to duesen), "Shhh"
zarf says, "(Yes, I am going to talk about me as a warm-up.)"
zarf says, "I was actually planning to give this whole interactive presentation about my life."
zarf says, "With water ballet and fireworks and breakdancers and, you know, elephants."
Merk begins to fidget.
zarf says, "But I could only find one elephant."
(From zarf) A lone elephant walks on stage.
Ellison says, "haha"
zarf says, "And it can't dance."
(From zarf) The elephant looks sad.
(From zarf) (From the elephant) <snif>
duesen asks, "why is it pink?"
zarf says, "Anyway, the truth is, for the past few months I've just been hanging out at home and playing games."
(From zarf) The elephant demonstrates some Super Mario Galaxy moves.
Taleslinger says, "Yay games!"
zarf says, "(see #nintendo)"
zarf says, "And reading."
(From zarf) The elephant begins reading the new Iain M. Banks.
Taleslinger says, "Yay books!"
zarf says, "And browsing the internet."
(From zarf) The elephant starts doing something to Matt Damon.
Taleslinger says, "Yay web!"
zarf says, "Saw a few movies. Bought an iPhone."
Storme says, "ha"
Emerald bids on the elephant.
(From zarf) No, seriously, what the hell is that elephant doing to Matt Damon?
zarf studiously ignores this byplay.
Taleslinger says, "Yay movies! Yay capitalism!"
zarf says, "Watched a lot of television."
Merk now claps for the Mario-emulating elephant.
(From zarf) Summer Glau comes out on stage and kicks the elephant's ass.
Taleslinger says, "Yay TV!"
Gunther waits for it.
Emily says, "YAY"
(From zarf) Matt Damon makes a break for it.
Otto says, ""I thought geeks wouldn't need iPhone because they always stay home on their computer...""
zarf says, "...Oookay. Well, when it comes down to it, the only thing I've been doing which is IF-related is some blogging...""
zarf gives the elephant a patiently expectant glance.
(From zarf) The elephant shrugs in an "I got nothin'" way.
Taleslinger says, "YAy"
Taleslinger says, "Yay blogging"
zarf says, "...So I will cease going on about my life, and get on with the nominees for Best Puzzles *wooo!*"
Taleslinger says, "Yay XYZZY's!"
Gunther says, "thanks, Meretzky"
zarf says, "- An Act of Murder, by Christopher Huang as "Hugh Dunnett"!"
Jota asks, "Does 'cease going on about my life' imply that you will return to ifMUD rather than having one?"
duesen always thought zarf had no life.
McMartin says, "w00t"
Merk exclaims, "Good luck Hugh Dunnett!"
zarf says, "hush, it's nominee time"
zarf says, "- Child's Play, by Stephen Granade"
Emily says, "woo"
Taleslinger claps some more.
Merk exclaims, "Good luck, Sargent!"
Emerald says, "yay"
zarf says, "- Lost Pig, by Admiral Jota as "Grunk""
Merk exclaims, "Good luck, Lost Pig!"
McMartin says, "woo pig"
Baryon stands and claps
zarf says, "- Suveh Nux, by David Fisher"
duesen exclaims, "aha!"
Emerald says, "yay Suveh Nux!"
Merk exclaims, "Good luck, DFisher!"
zarf says, "- The Chinese Room, by Joey Jones and Harry Giles"
</Jacqueline> We speak loudly, so that the other people in the cafe understand that we are aces of interactive fiction and the integrity of the world would waver without our presence.
<Jacqueline> I'm still working on becoming a lithe-yet-brooding martial artist who can leap from crag to crag like a mountain goat.
Merk says, "Good luck team of Jones & Giles"
Baryon sits and claps
Celestianpower claps absondantly
Eric appears to clap.
zarf says, "And the winner..."
(From Taleslinger) Zarf has disconnected.
(From zarf) The elephant is looking really unsure as to whether it should still be on stage.
zarf chases the elephant off.
zarf says (to Taleslinger), "Stop that."
zarf says, "Suveh Nux, by David Fisher!"
Emily says, "woooo!"
Sargent says, "Yay Suveh Nux!"
ctate says, "woo!"
Taleslinger says, "yay"
djfletch exclaims, "hurrah!"
Emerald says, "HOORAY!"
baf exclaims, "Nux! Nux! Nux!"
DavidW says, "yay!"
lpsmith updates the BEST PUZZLES entry on the chalkboard.
<vaporware> What was your name again, sir? You've been real square with me.
Nitku exclaims, "Woo!"
zarf sits down
Jacqueline applauds for Suveh Nux!
Merk asks, "Congrats! Is he here?"
VictorGijsbers beats the drums.
lpsmith asks, "Do we have a David Fisher with us today?"
lpsmith says, "If not, I'll send him a walkthrough on how to get it."
Emily says, "heh"