On March 2, 2002, at 1:30 P.M. EST (6:30 P.M. GMT), the XYZZY Awards Ceremony was held at ifMUD. Below is the transcript of the event, without comments made on the #peanut-gallery discussion. Should you wish to see those comments, they are also available.
inky takes the microphone back and steps back up on stage.
<Guest2> I'm not here to be entertained! Stop amusing me!
Jacqueline says (to Jimbo), "Hey! Glive me that black!"
Gunther says (to Jacqueline), "YM "African American", surely"
Guest2 walks out from under the archway south of here, although you didn't notice it approaching it from the other side.
Jacqueline says, "Ha!"
inky says, "I should apologize for my costume, too -- the presenter budget got cut along with everything else, and if you think paying for Droke's travel arrangements are cheap, well, the insurance alone .."
<sirhc> sirhc has connected to ifMUD.
Guest2 asks, "Did I miss it?"
Gunther says (to guest2), "no, it's going on"
sirhc walks out from under the archway south of here, although you didn't notice him approaching it from the other side.
Gadget says (to guest2), "just best use of medium (EAS@ won)"
inky says, "I was thinking about getting something out of storage, but all they had was a chicken suit"
Rob says, "bawwwk"
liza says, "Nothing wrong with that"
Jearl says, "FUNKY"
Jota asks, "No Chef's hat?"
maga asks, "and you needed that for the after-dinner party?"
JJGuest gets READ THIS PLEASE.
JJGuest gets xyzzy drinking game.
JJGuest gets a chalkboard listing the winners.
JJGuest gets Note for the Xyzzy awards.
inky says (to Jota), "I'll have to take another look"
Rob says, "boo!"
(From Gunther) You hear tuxedo from north!
Iain says (to Jota), "You want a chicken to wear a chef's hat? Talk about bad taste!"
inky says, "...after the next presenter"
DavidW says, "bad JJGuest. No cookie."
JJGuest drops READ THIS PLEASE.
JJGuest drops xyzzy drinking game.
JJGuest drops a chalkboard listing the winners.
JJGuest drops Note for the Xyzzy awards.
JJGuest says, "Sorry""
(From Gunther) You hear pants from east!
watson says, "See, you just have to be firm with him."
Sargent says, "Please note: IF Awards Ceremony Not Exactly The Same As IF"
Jearl says, "maybe next year"
Iain says (to Sargent), "Until now."
Storme says (to Sarge), "ha"
Trent gives Jota greets Trent. to Jota.
(From Iain) The Sargent appears to be getting angrier!
Psmith attacks Sargent with elvish sword.
Adam asks (of Sargent), "So I should stop blowing on these cows then?"
Gunther says, ">PUSH SARGENT NORTHWEST"
inky says, "please give a warm welcome to J. Robinson Wheeler, with the Best Individual PC award!"
Jearl says, "everyone funny"
Matthew exclaims, "WOO ROB!"
Rob gets up.
Sargent says, "yay Rob!"
Gunther says, "Yay Rob!"
Jearl says, "ROOOOB"
Gadget says, "yay"
Paul claps for Rob
Rob jogs up on stage.
Storme says, "yay rob"
maga exclaims, "ROB! ROB!"
Iain says (to Matthew), "No, no, we're stopping the IF commands now!"
Rob says, "Hello!"
Emily says, "ROB"
liza says, "RRRRRRRROooo(b)"
BoingBall says, "roooob"
Sietse exclaims, "Woohoo!"
Matthew asks (of Iain), "??"
Iain says, "ROB ROB ROB"
Sargent says, "ROB ROB OF AWARD ENVELOPE"
eileen cheers mightily
nm puts his hands together
Gunther says, "WHEELER"
Jota cheers Rob.
two-star says, ">ROB ROB"
Rob says, "I am pleased to present the award for Best Individual Player Character. And the nominees are...."
liza says, "Rob is here to announce this year's Best Picture award"
Iain says (to Matthew), "(If you want to woo Rob, you need to hide under the balcony with a lute and Z ten times.)"
Sietse says, "Rob, rob, rob the Rob."
Gunther says (to liza), "yay"
Rob says, "Dutch Dapper, in Dutch Dapper IV: The Final Voyage, by Harry Hol"
Iain claps politely.
JessK says, "yay dutch dapper""
DavidW says, "yay"
Adam says, "Uh"
Sousa says, "yay"
Stas exclaims (at liza), "No - best Personal Computer!"
Paul claps throughout the nominee announcements.
Rob says, "Goldilocks, in Goldilocks is a FOX!, by J. J. Guest"
KissingBandit has arrived.
Adam says, "I seem not to have heard of either of these"
KissingBandit lurks in the shadows, twirling his moustaches.
Gunther says, "Oh no! It's the Kissing Bandit!"
JJGuest says, "yay!""
maga claps wildly
Rob says, "The janitor, in Janitor, by Kevin Lynn and Peter Seebach"
Gunther says, "wait, *K*issing."
Jearl says (to Adam), "r*if misses you"
Jacqueline says, "Oh no! The Bandit!"
Photon exclaims, "Yay Janitor!"
Jacqueline claps. "Woo!"
Sietse says, "I fear not the bandit, for I am male."
DavidW says, "yay Janitor!"
Rob says, "Jack Downer, Photograph, by Steve Evans"
DavidW claps loudly
BenCaplan plays EAS2 to relieve tension
Sousa says, "woo"
KissingBandit sneaks around sneakily.
Adam says, "Portrait of insanity and Jack's got a loyalty to defend every contrary"
Gunther, it can be assumed, claps throughout the ceremony at appropriate times.
Rob says, "and Pierre, from Savoir Faire, by Emily Short"
maga claps until his hands fall off
Psmith says, "yay all."
Trent says, "Woo!"
Sargent applauds them all.
Storme claps wildly
Iain says, "Yay French guy!"
Jaybird claps throughout.
<Guest3> The guest should just rest, lest it head west for more quests.
schep applauds the nominees.
Iain says, "VICHY"
Gunther says, "Zut alors!"
DavidW clapez beaucoup
Matthew says, "Woo."
Sietse looks over his back, eying the KissingBandit suspiciously.
Rob says, "And the award goes to..."
maga says, "han-hi-han"
Jota holds his applause until the winner is announced.
Gunther says (to Iain), "HA HA"
veek says, "woot"
Guest3 walks out from under the archway south of here, although you didn't notice it approaching it from the other side.
KissingBandit suddenly steals up behind eileen, and plants one on her!
inky says, "!!"
Emily says, "HA"
Gunther says, "ha-HA!"
Iain says, "Woo woo!"
LoneCleric says, "Merci, merci. Oh, not me."
Psmith says, "Yay!"
Sargent says, "woo Kissing Bandit!"
Jota exclaims, "Yay!"
eileen squeals with surprise
KissingBandit says, "HA-HA! No maiden is safe!"
DavidW says, "hehe"
Jon says, "go all"
Photon looks shocked.
KissingBandit says, "I KISS YOU ALL!"
Storme says, "heeheehee"
The tension mounts!
maga says, "zut alors"
DavidW says, "giggle giggle blush"
dfan says, "You can't use multiple direct objects with that command"
Sietse kisses KB, left, right, left.
Gunther throws pink balls at KissingBandit!
Iain says (to dfan), "*You* can't."
Emily says (to dfan), "you can in T3"
KissingBandit races madly around, smooching Storme, JessK, andreaw, Jearl, ParserGirl, Jacqueline, and gayla!
KissingBandit says, "HA HA HA!"
Storme says, "yikes"
Gadget can't stand it anymore!
Iain says, "Och!"
Jearl says, "yikes"
Sietse @sets himself female
maga says, "hee hee hee"
(From Gunther) Iain draws his sword!
liza says (to Iain), "HE MOST CERTAINLY CANNOT"
Jacqueline says, "Eep!"
BoingBall asks, "Mahir?"
KissingBandit presses a button his boots and suddenly lands right in front of Emily.
Jota says, "Wow, he's good."
Emily says, "uhhh hi"
Jearl . o O ( the dip? )
Jacqueline says, "Heh"
KissingBandit says (to Emily), "Do not be afraid of my moustaches, my dear!"
Emily steps backwards
KissingBandit pulls Emily to her feet and embraces her huskily.
Jon goes at his moustaches with a pair of clippers
Trent says, "Wow, I need some boots like those."
KissingBandit gives one white rose to Emily.
Iain lowers sword in admiration.
DavidW checks for nets in the ceiling. Oh wait. No ceiling.
KissingBandit says, "The winner is Emily Short!"
Jacqueline says, "Aw."
maga says, "YAY"
Gunther says, "YAY!"
JessK says, "Hooray!"
KissingBandit:presses a button on his magic boots and bounds off over the hills at lightning speed, never to be seen again!
Iain says, "YAY"
Sietse lipsticks his new, female, lips.
Storme says, "YAY"
(From Adam) Bush Administration says, "BOOOOO!"
eileen claps madly
liza says, "YAY!!!"
gayla claps wildly.
Jacqueline says, "Yay!"
Matthew says, "WOOOOOOOOOOOOO."
Sargent says, "WOO!"
DavidW says, "yay!!!!"
Photon starts clapping.
Jota exclaims, "Yay!!!"
Paul exclaims, "YAY PIERRE!!!"
Sietse exclaims, "Congratulations!"
dfan says, "Woo woo"
Jarb says, "excellent"
Trent pings a penkife to his gruyere
Sargent says, "Smooch! Smooch! I mean, speech! Speech!"
Jearl says, "wow"
Gunther says, "'ooray for Emily!"
Sousa exclaims, "yay!"
maga exclaims, "woo!"
Iain says, "Somebody find some smelling salts for Emily!"
Jearl says, "dashing."
JJGuest says, "congratulations!""
<bdonlan> bdonlan has connected to ifMUD.
veek laughs and cheers a lot
schep claps for the bandit and winner.
JessK says, "yay pierre!"
Jota exclaims, "Woowoo!"
two-star exclaims, "Yay!"
bdonlan walks out from under the archway south of here, although you didn't notice him approaching it from the other side.
Gunther throws cheese at the stage
DavidW throws a rose (sans thorns)
Jon claps for the French!
Matthew says, "Hooray Emily."
Emily takes a moment to recover her composure
BenCaplan wonders if Eileen found the program he gave her.
inky claps and comes over to hand a microphone to Emily
Photon exclaims, "Bon!"
Iain waves a strong brie under Emily's nose.
Jimbo says, "Savoir faire is everywhere."
Emily takes microphone
eileen waves program. Right here!
Trent cheers wildly and puts on his cheesehead hat.
Sietse throws his hanky onto the stage.
Emily says, "Thank you all very much"
Storme says, "yay Emily"
Jon exclaims, "Savoir Faire is an anagram of Very Fine So!"
Paul cheers huskily!
Stas exclaims, "Update the chalkboard!"
Gunther says, "that's not a microphone, it's Cheddar!"
Sargent says (to Stas), "already done"
Emily says, "It was a pleasure to write Pierre, and I'm glad people enjoyed him"
BoingBall says, "chalk and cheeseboard"
liza says, "Aw yeah"
Sietse exclaims, "Say cheese!"
Emily says, "and I also was hoping to have the opportunity to say something"
Adam says (to liza), "Heh"
Jota showers Emily with fresh spinach.
Stas says (to Sargent), "I missed a second."
Emily says, "Some people have made fun of a certain bug-- er-- feature of early releases of the game. To them I would like to make the following retort, borrowed from the pages of An Important and Trustworthy Medical Source:"
maga says, "yay for spinach"
Emily clears her throat and reads from a card
Sietse silences all.
Emily says, "Phytonutrients in apricots, persimmons, cantaloupe, sweet potatoes, pumpkins, and carrots may help protect against cancer, the buildup of fatty plaque in the arteries, blood clots, and loss of eyesight."
zugzwang screeches at impending loss of connection
Matthew exclaims, "Yay!"
Emily says, "****Spinach****, kale, and dark leafy greens have similar health benefits."
Emily puts away card
Emily says, "So it was all for Pierre's health."
Storme says (to Emily), "*cough* e believe you"
<HairBrain> There's some ninjas in it, the frog's name is Horny, and at one point, you get to blow up a toilet.
Storme says, "er, we"
Sargent says, "yay!"
nm says, "asterisks in original"
DavidW says, "yay! Infotainment!"
Jearl says, "yay beta carotene and assorted anti-oxidants"
Iain says, "Pierre == Popeye! It all makes sense now!"
Sietse says, "Olive Emily..."
Sargent says (to Iain), "I like the part where Pierre beat up Boldo for stealing Olive Oyl"
Gunther says (to Iain), "hoorayez"
Paul says (to sietse), "We all do"
Emily waves and returns to her seat though keeping an eye out for mysterious figures standing nearby
Matthew cheers Emily.
DavidW says (to Sargent), "hee hee hee"
Storme says (to Emily), "yay"
eileen applauds the speech
Gunther applauds Emily.
Paul cheers for Emily!
maga says (to Emily), "you should have given him your number when you had the chance"
Trent stands to shake Emily's hand as she passes by
Sietse moves in between Emily and the mysterious figures.
Jacqueline says, "Congratulations, Emily."
DavidW waves the tri-colors.
BenCaplan gives card to Emily.
Iain says (to maga), "That's why I have mine embossed in morse code on my tongue."
Sietse shouts: "Hooray for Emily!"
(From Adam) John W. Kennedy is still glowering at the bandit
Gunther says (to Iain), "HA!"